This weekend i helped my friend Sally move into her new apartment in union square. We had a u-haul and parked it in front of her old apt to fill it with her stuff. At some point during the move, a traffic cop pulled up and told me that if i didn't move the u-haul right away i would get a ticket for being too close to a fire hydrant. I was waiting with the u-haul since we anticipated this happening but i didn't anticipate the keys being left upstairs in her apt. I tried to shoot the shit with the cop to buy time for the keys to come down so we could move, but that bitch just stood there writing the ticket. Not 20 seconds after the cop handed me the ticket my friend came down with the keys and the last box of Sally's stuff. Nothing like $115.00 ticket to get your move started. Sally rented the u-haul, sucks for her.
We had 2 others besides Sally and i helping with the move and with the u-haul only having 2 seats up front, the other 2 guys hopped in the back along with the stuff. A minute or two into driving we hear banging on the walls and screams of agony coming from the back. They call us saying they were boiling from the heat and about to pass out from a lack of oxygen. I hit pot holes in the road deliberately and tell them to man up.
About half way to our destination, the good ol’ nypd decide to pull us over. Sally was already shitting bricks about the parking ticket and now she was really freaking out. I tell her, “lock it up bitch, just follow my lead.” Luckily the popos were just inspecting random truck vehicles; since the whole 9/11 thing they been stepping up their game. When I opened up the back for the officers to have a look, my two friends fall out shirtless, covered in sweat, gasping for air. Fortunately the boys in blue were chill and they didn’t care that we had people looking like they were illegal immigrants, beat up and raped, locked in the back of our u-haul. My friend said he was having hallucinations of mailmen trying to grab his face and that he would rather have rusty nails jammed through his eyes than go back into satan’s lair. They opted to take the subway the rest of the way.
